Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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