so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
