Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize