I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize