So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize