yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
