Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
