honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
