A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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