Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
