remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
