Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
