You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
