highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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