god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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