I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
