You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
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