He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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