Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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