it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You left your phone here
Wait...
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