Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
