I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
