So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
