is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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