I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
