That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
