So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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