The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
