Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Damn victory sex feels great
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize