she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
