God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
