she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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