do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize