This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
