I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
