another moral hangover. fuck.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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