you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
