I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
