He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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