My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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