I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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