found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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