we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
