Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
