Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize