He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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