Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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