these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
