your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
