She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
