we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
