Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It's blow job season.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
