He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
