Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
