my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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