I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
