I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize