my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
