The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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