You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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