so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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