So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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