I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
