am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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