My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Everything about him screamed your future.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
