oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
