singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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